It kind of started with the Taylor Swift song, "Forever and Always." (This is odd in and of itself because I detest country music, and have never really listened to Taylor Swift in the past. However, I've been on a new music kick lately, and she's found her way into my iTunes library...but, I digress.) A section of the lyric goes like this:
Once upon a time
I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye.
We caught onto something.
I hold on to the night
You looked me in the eye and told me you loved me.
Were you just kidding?
'Cause it seems to me
This thing is breaking down.
We almost never speak.
I don’t feel welcome anymore.
Baby what happened? Please tell me
'Cause one second it was perfect and now you’re halfway out the door.
And I stare at the phone and he still hasn’t called
And you feel so low you can’t feel nothin' at all
And you flash back to when he said forever and always
So, after listening to this song a few times, I got to thinking. Where did the problem start for this couple? Well, he told her he loved her, and she believed him. I guess there's nothing wrong about that, but then he must've started acting shady because she questions his sincerity. Those three words are easy to say, and I think they're over-used. I'm sure you've read about this before, but bear with me.
As a girl, I'ma be real excited the first time those wonderful words come out of my special someone's mouth. But I don't want it to happen right off the bat. Maybe not for a while, honestly. I'll admit, I have limited experience in such relationships, but one thing I've learned is that emotions run high and things said in "the moment" aren't always genuine. And it's not like you're not going to believe him/her (okay, that's going to get really annoying really fast, so since I'm a girl, it's going to say "him" from here on out. Not trying to be sexist or anything; it's just easier. If you want to replace it with "her" in your individual reading, be my guest.) when he tells you he loves you. Here's a note to my future husband: Please don't tell me you love me until you know what it means.
What does it mean to truly love someone? I asked this question in a Facebook status earlier tonight and got a few answers like service, quality time, communication, and encouragement. All these are marks of a healthy relationship. I can't think of any happy couple I know (dating, engaged, or married) that doesn't practice these things.
Love isn't just that squishy feeling. Love is hard. I think we come to realize that as we grow up. I'm not easy to love because I'm a fallen human. I am selfish, I think the world revolves around me, I am insecure, I am vain, I am manipulative, I overanalyze everything, I am impatient, and I am stubborn, just to name a few of my less desirable qualities. If you're going to love me, you're going to have to deal with all those things. Love is not easy. So now tell me, will you love me despite all that? I don't believe you can love a person until you really know them. My mom always told my sister and me that you have to take time to observe before you get into a relationship with someone; you have to see how they react in different situations. Is he sensible? Is he consistent? Is he honest when he makes a mistake?
Possible future husband, before you tell me you love me, show me. You ought to know by now that I'm difficult. If you've decided to pursue me anyway, don't think it's always going to be a joy ride. Don't say it unless you mean it. If you're not willing to listen to me whine, don't tell me you love me. If I don't feel like I can talk to you about anything, don't tell me you love me. If you won't call me on it when I'm out of line, don't tell me you love me. If you're not making a daily effort to be patient, kind, humble, selfless, and considerate, don't tell me you love me-or anyone else for that matter. I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into. Don't feel like this is an attack on you. If I ask it of you, rest assured that I'm giving my all to reciprocate. When I tell you I love you, it will mean I'm trying to grow in all these areas as well. Know that I will listen when you need an ear to hear you whine. Know that I will be there for you to lean on when you're struggling. Know that I will let you know when you overstep your bounds. If we're not willing to do all these things, it's not going to work, so let's save us both the trouble and heartache and don't go there if this doesn't seem feasible.
"Let love be genuine..." Romans 12:9
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends..." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
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