Days 23-27

Day 23-give pictures of five guys who are famous who you find attractive

I'm too lazy to find pictures, so I'll just list a few, okay?

1. Orlando Bloom
2. Hayden Christensen
3. Kristian Stanfill
4. Tom Welling
5. Phil Wickham

Day 24-your favorite movie and what it's about

I have many favorite movies, and am tempted just to write "Lord of the Rings; read the book," but I will refrain from snarkiness this once and choose August Rush.

August Rush is about a boy (Evan) who is separated from his parents at birth. His dad actually doesn't know he exists (it was sort of a one-night stand...) until nearly the end of the movie. Both Evan's parents (Lila and Louis) are musicians, and he has a gift for hearing music in the strangest of places. He believes that music will bring his family back together, but he's stuck in a boys' home in rural New York, so he runs away to New York City in search of his parents. You'll have to watch the movie to find out what happens. He-he. It's got a great soundtrack that you'll never tire of listening to.

Day 25-someone who fascinates you and why

Dr. Bain. Why not? Dr. Bain is one of our Biblical Studies professors at Blue Mountain. He teaches Greek, Church History, The Bible and Missions, and The Bible and Ethics, as well as other courses that escape my memory. Dr. Bain is basically brilliant. His students have given him the nickname "Greek Ninja," and I'm convinced he's this galaxy's incarnation of Yoda. The other day when I was following him to his office to make up a Greek test, I just got the weirdest feeling that this is what it would be like for a Padawan learner to follow around his Jedi Master (yes, that was my exact thought. You should already know I'm a huge nerd...judge me).

Dr. Bain is brilliant beyond what I can express here. I'm fairly certain he thinks in Greek. The stories he's told in class about hiking in the mountains and encountering bears...the man carries bear spray. Bear spray! Who needs bear spray? He's told one story about when he was carrying two cans and ran out of bear spray, so he prayed the whole way back that he wouldn't run into a bear because then he'd have to beat it with his hiking stick (which he keeps in his office, in case you were wondering).

If you thought he couldn't get any cooler...his son's nickname is Tank. I've driven by their house to see him in the back yard playing with an Indiana Jones-style whip. His son also knows a little Mando'a. (Those of you who don't know what that is are missing out. Google it and be educated.)

At the risk of sounding psycho, I'm going to stop here by saying that Dr. Bain is just plain awesome and kind of inspires my inner nerd.

Day 26-what kind of person attracts you?

acts like Jesus
confident but not arrogant
genuine and honest
compassionate but not a doormat
knows what he believes and sticks by it
gentle but not a pushover
willing to listen to me whine, then make me get on with things
patient
a leader but not a dictator
loves the Lord with his whole being
funny and kinda nerdy

Day 27-a problem that you have had

I am terribly inconsistent. I have a bad habit of starting thing that I forget about until days or weeks later (as evidenced clearly by my blogging record...), then picking them back up again for a while and leaving off again after a few weeks of actual progress. I'm this way with working out too; I'd been doing well before spring break, but since then I may have logged five miles on the treadmill.

I make excuses for my inconsistency solely to justify not feeling terribly about it. For instance, I've just started a job waitressing at the café down the hill from my school, so I've been counting that as exercise this week. Now that I feel substantially guilty about slacking in these specific areas, the frequency of my working out and my blogging will more than likely increase...at least for a little while...

Day 02

Day 02-Where you'd like to be in 10 years.

Yikes! I'm not even twenty yet, so let's not think about being almost thirty! Honestly, I probably don't think about this kind of thing as much as a lot of girls my age, but I've definitely got some ideas...

*serving in ministry as a career, maybe as a missionary, maybe as an ESL teacher, I really don't know, but I want to be serving
*much more mature in my relationship with Christ
*I'd like to be married and maybe have a couple of little boys running around to love and fuss at.
*not jaded and cynical, but really living with hope and purpose

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

Don't Tell Me That

This post may sound like a bit of a rant. It's not really meant to be that or any sort of attack, but this thought has been bouncing around in my head for a couple of days, and I figured I should set it free.

It kind of started with the Taylor Swift song, "Forever and Always." (This is odd in and of itself because I detest country music, and have never really listened to Taylor Swift in the past. However, I've been on a new music kick lately, and she's found her way into my iTunes library...but, I digress.) A section of the lyric goes like this:

Once upon a time
I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye.
We caught onto something.
I hold on to the night
You looked me in the eye and told me you loved me.
Were you just kidding?
'Cause it seems to me
This thing is breaking down.
We almost never speak.
I don’t feel welcome anymore.
Baby what happened? Please tell me
'Cause one second it was perfect and now you’re halfway out the door.
And I stare at the phone and he still hasn’t called
And you feel so low you can’t feel nothin' at all
And you flash back to when he said forever and always

So, after listening to this song a few times, I got to thinking. Where did the problem start for this couple? Well, he told her he loved her, and she believed him. I guess there's nothing wrong about that, but then he must've started acting shady because she questions his sincerity. Those three words are easy to say, and I think they're over-used. I'm sure you've read about this before, but bear with me.

As a girl, I'ma be real excited the first time those wonderful words come out of my special someone's mouth. But I don't want it to happen right off the bat. Maybe not for a while, honestly. I'll admit, I have limited experience in such relationships, but one thing I've learned is that emotions run high and things said in "the moment" aren't always genuine. And it's not like you're not going to believe him/her (okay, that's going to get really annoying really fast, so since I'm a girl, it's going to say "him" from here on out. Not trying to be sexist or anything; it's just easier. If you want to replace it with "her" in your individual reading, be my guest.) when he tells you he loves you. Here's a note to my future husband: Please don't tell me you love me until you know what it means.

What does it mean to truly love someone? I asked this question in a Facebook status earlier tonight and got a few answers like service, quality time, communication, and encouragement. All these are marks of a healthy relationship. I can't think of any happy couple I know (dating, engaged, or married) that doesn't practice these things.

Love isn't just that squishy feeling. Love is hard. I think we come to realize that as we grow up. I'm not easy to love because I'm a fallen human. I am selfish, I think the world revolves around me, I am insecure, I am vain, I am manipulative, I overanalyze everything, I am impatient, and I am stubborn, just to name a few of my less desirable qualities. If you're going to love me, you're going to have to deal with all those things. Love is not easy. So now tell me, will you love me despite all that? I don't believe you can love a person until you really know them. My mom always told my sister and me that you have to take time to observe before you get into a relationship with someone; you have to see how they react in different situations. Is he sensible? Is he consistent? Is he honest when he makes a mistake?

Possible future husband, before you tell me you love me, show me. You ought to know by now that I'm difficult. If you've decided to pursue me anyway, don't think it's always going to be a joy ride. Don't say it unless you mean it. If you're not willing to listen to me whine, don't tell me you love me. If I don't feel like I can talk to you about anything, don't tell me you love me. If you won't call me on it when I'm out of line, don't tell me you love me. If you're not making a daily effort to be patient, kind, humble, selfless, and considerate, don't tell me you love me-or anyone else for that matter. I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into. Don't feel like this is an attack on you. If I ask it of you, rest assured that I'm giving my all to reciprocate. When I tell you I love you, it will mean I'm trying to grow in all these areas as well. Know that I will listen when you need an ear to hear you whine. Know that I will be there for you to lean on when you're struggling. Know that I will let you know when you overstep your bounds. If we're not willing to do all these things, it's not going to work, so let's save us both the trouble and heartache and don't go there if this doesn't seem feasible.

"Let love be genuine..." Romans 12:9

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends..." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Where I'm Going

Having said all that, here's where I am now:

(Well, aside from at home for the weekend...)

-Eighteen years old (almost nineteen! yikes!)

-Sophomore in college

-Biblical Studies major

-Summer camp lifeguard

...and perhaps a future foreign missionary.

That's mostly what this is about, I think. Having told God that I'll be whatever He wants and go wherever He wants, I'm open to pretty much anything. I believe I was called to missions in the summer of 2006 (one of the times He was trying to get my attention before last fall), but I'd put that away in the back of my mind for more than three years. Once I got legit, it came to the forefront again. I argued this with God for a couple of months, actually. I still wanted to hold onto my dream of acting professionally, bargaining that maybe New York or Los Angeles could be my mission field. He wasn't buying it. Well, I figured if I'm going to do this, I've gotta do it the right way. I still wondered what I was going to do with this affinity I have for acting. Why would God give that to me if I wasn't to use it somehow?

He's got a sense of humor to be sure. I've recently learned that people who are good with assuming characters and accents are typically quick studies when it comes to learning languages and the ins and outs of foreign cultures. It was definitely an "aha!" moment when this all fell together. I've loved languages for as long as I can remember. Pair that with what talent I've been given for acting, mix it with a desire for adventure and a love of travel, add it to a longing to share this Jesus with people who don't know Him, and you've got yourself a foreign missionary.

This blows my mind. Granted, I don't know where in the world (literally) I'm headed, but I'm surprisingly pretty cool with it. He's got it all worked out. Let's be real; He has been beyond patient with this wretch until now. He's turned me every which way but loose. He's not going to quit and I don't want Him to. He amazes me more and more every day. Now that I know what I'm doing with my life (rather, what God is doing with my life), I have simply to hang on for the ride.