Disjointed Confessions

I don’t want Him enough. I can’t put it any other way. I say this out of frustration with myself. I want to want Him more, but I’m so easily distracted by other things. You know how it goes, you get into a really good book study and you’re beginning to understand things and…I was starting 1 John about two months ago—taking it slow, practicing my Greek, reading commentaries, writing good notes—when I simply allowed myself to be pulled away. When I’m in the Word, I crave it; I feel lost the first few days when I’m straying, but then it becomes easier and easier until I’m doing just fine without it. The truth is, that’s when I’m at my worst. It’s like this Chinese guy told me once about ping-pong (and you know how serious they are about ping-pong in China…): don’t practice for one day and you know it; don’t practice for two days and your opponent knows it; don’t practice for a week and everyone knows it.

I’m not okay without Jesus. I’m poor, wretched, naked, and blind without Jesus. Friend, you’re not okay without Jesus. We’ve got to stop pretending we can handle it ourselves. We’re fallen, far from perfect, missing the mark day after day, falling short, incapable-however you want to put it. We can’t do life without Jesus. These distractions are idols in disguise. They draw us away into worshipping them before we even realize what’s happening. One of my biggest idols is academia. Ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you I’ve got a thing for getting good grades. I would consider it utter failure to fall below a B in any class. I require excellence of myself in my schoolwork, so why don’t I apply that to my relationship with Christ? Why don’t I see it as utter failure when I haven’t spent time with my Savior in days?

Here’s something to think about: relationships are formed and developed through dialogue. (See, Mom and Dad, here’s something I’m learning from my Theatre minor!) If He’s talking and you’re not listening, there’s no development going on. If you’re not talking, zilch, zero. Here’s something else to think about: check out the language of this verse in 1 John. “…whoever says he abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked.” My Greek professor translates it this way. It’s a little more difficult to read, but he really gets the feel and action of the verbs. “The one who goes on claiming to abide in Him has a continuing obligation just as that One lived even he himself to go on walking.” If I claim Christ, I have an obligation to be continually striving to live as He lived. How is that? Pursuing of the will of the Father (John 6:38; 5:30; 4:34). Living a holy life (1 Peter 1:15-16). There is so much more I could say, but it’s late and I’m tired. We are to live like Christ by portraying faith, love, obedience to the Father, self-sacrifice, holiness, and the limitless list of His characteristics. You think this is impossible? Yes, it is impossible alone. We can’t do it without God’s grace. Lucky for us, He gives if we ask. Check out James 4:1-10 for more on that. I’m goin’ to get some shut-eye after He and I spend some time talking.

Whosoever, then, really perceives what fellowship with God is, will be satisfied with it alone, and will no more burn with desires for other things. - John Calvin on 1 John 1:4